USS Relation – Post Mission Dating

Returned Missionaries and Relation Ships

Every missionary has an exit interview with their mission president. It would be safe to say that dating and marriage is one of the topics discussed in every one of these interviews. Along with a report of your stewardship to your president, he usually will talk about the “next step in life.” The Relation Ship.

It is a large ship. One that will likely cost a lot of money, time, stress, and a good piece of your heart, but will be worth getting on. It will likely seem very daunting and be frustrating to get on this ship. It will look so fun from the outside, and you will see a lot of people getting on and off of the “Good Ship Relation.” You will likely find yourself on and off the ship. Okay enough with the dad-joke, I just wanted to have a little fun with this because it is a topic that really should be fun.

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This post is going to be short, but there will be more Relation Ship posts in the future. We will discuss all of the following and more:

  • Your social self (coming from a social-psychological standpoint). It is critical to understand what you believe about yourself and it will help you know how to best interact with others.
  • Finding People. Remember Preach My Gospel chapter 9? Nothing happens on the Relation Ship until you find someone to date! We’ll talk about social opportunity audits and setting up your time so that you can kill a few birds with one stone.
  • Become what you want to Find. If you want the most amazing spouse in the world, BE the most amazing spouse, and then you will attract that person. Intelligence cleaveth to intelligence, light cleaveth unto light, etc.
  • Asking Questions and “Winning with People.” These skills don’t just apply to dating, they are powerful skills to attain and will become an asset to you in all relationships (personal, family and business) in your life.
  • Feeling the Spark Again. For 18 months to 2 years, you were told to put out the fire of twitterpation. If you really turned that off (hopefully you did), it might be a bit of a trick to jump back in the dating pool. These emotions are real, and should at least be acknowledged.
  • True Love.  Advice from prophets on how to really, truly love. Not just a crush-love or the “thrill of the chase” (though these are fun and good). But lasting, deep, enduring love. The type that never faileth.
  • Keep it light and have fun – Turn off the celestial-mate-o-meter for crying out loud! Just become best friends with those you go on dates with. 4 dates doesn’t mean you are going to get married, no matter how much your roommate says so or parents hope so.
  • Love Languages. This is related to your social self. Understand how you feel loved and how the one you want to love wants to feel loved. This can solve a mountain of problems.
  • Communication. As you have likely witnessed in your companionships, communication can make or break a relationship. Companionship inventories can become your best asset in relationships, if done right.
As was mentioned, there will be much more to this. Stay tuned for posts from all the authors here at The Returned Missionary. And feel free to ask questions about things you may be wondering about.
Also, see this post for a great love story of a returned missionary.

 

 

avatar Andy Proctor (42 Posts)

Andy is the creator of T​he Returned Missionary (this blog)​, encouraging the tens of thousands of LDS missionaries who come home every year to continue to be productive, hardworking, faithful, and happy long after their full-time mission has ended. His goal with this blog is to help people know how they can live the gospel while living their dreams. He just launched his first book for RMs, called ​Live Your Mission: 21 Powerful Principles to Discover Your Life Mission after Your Mission, which is the first book in the L​ive My Gospel​ book series. He also owns and manages the LDSmissionaries.com blog. He is a regular contributor to Meridian Magazine and has been featured on the Mormon.org blog as well as LDS Living and Deseret News.


3 Comments

  1. avatar Derrick Clements says:

    I disagree that nothing can happen on the Relation Ship until you find someone to date. As an RM with some wonderful relationship experiences, I can say that the best ones come AFTER each person has taken the time to understand oneself. On our missions we were looking for people to baptize. If we take the same simplistic approach to looking for someone to marry, then we will find ourselves getting involved with a role rather than a person. There’s a LOT to do before we can know who we are looking for.

    Awesome site! Look forward to following updates.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Thanks Derrick. I appreciate your response and feedback. And I agree with you. And I am totally okay with standing corrected. This is in fact, just a blog. 🙂 I probably should have phrased my idea differently. And I have also had wonderful experiences while I had no one to date. I absolutely agree that a huge foundation of a relationship is coming to know and *love* yourself before you can love another. This above all, To thine own self be true, thou canst not then be false to any man. SO important! I love that you pointed this out! I look forward to seeing you more on here as more content is added by me and other authors. Thanks for stopping by!

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