The Right Way to Wait for a Missionary

Waiting for a Missionary

Waiting for a Missionary

It’s Valentine’s Day. With the amount of missionaries being called into the field, there will likely be a lot of hopeful young men and women waiting and writing their faithful missionary friends. Are you one? Here are a few tips to help you.

Waiting for a Missionary

Have you created a countdown chart yet? Did you download the LDS Missionary countdown app on your smartphone? 🙂 I don’t blame you if you did. If you are dating someone who is a voluntary servant of the Lord and who desires to serve God full-time for as long as missionaries do, you have found a winner! Hold on to them (if you can). Here are some tips on how you can keep your relationship strong across the seemingly un-ending time you will be waiting for them.

1. Provide Spiritual Support their Whole Mission – Be a “True Friend”

They will be constantly on the spiritual rise and if you don’t rise with them, you will most likely grow apart. They will still remember the shared experiences you have, but they will have a new love for the gospel and for The Lord that may draw you apart if you do not truly have that same love and passion for the gospel. Elder Robert D. Hales gives the perfect example of what you should do. He says you should be a “true friend” and then he defines what a true friend is:

250x300 LYM2

“1. A good friend is a good companion. A good friend will never have you choose between their way and the Lord’s way. 2. With a true friend it will be easier to live the laws, ordinances, and covenants [of the gospel]. Such a person is truly a good friend and an eternal companion.”1

Never make them choose between your way and the Lord’s way (these should be the same) and it should be easier for them to live and serve as a full time missionary because of you, not the opposite.

2. Become Spiritually Stronger as they Become Stronger, Because They Will.

If you really want to make things work out, this will help you come closer than any mushy love letter. Read and listen to talks. Get the Mormon Channel app on your phone and listen to that instead of your favorite playlists. Go to the temple more than you usually do. Go out of your way to serve in your ward – be the best darn home / visiting teacher this church has ever known. Go into the mountains to pray and commune with God (or somewhere private). Write in your journal. Do family history. Go on a temple roadtrip. Do online missionary work! Go talk to your bishop even if you don’t have sins to confess, just talk to him and ask what you can do to help in the ward or if there is anyone he knows who needs to be served. Sit towards the front in sacrament meeting and in your classes. Participate and come prepared. Go to institute or religion classes regularly. Memorize scriptures. Ask God to bless you with spiritual experiences to match the ones your sweetheart is having. Grow. Progress. Become. Not only will this bless your relationship with Elder Right or Sister Superstar, but more importantly, it will improve your relationship with God.

3. Do NOT Send Mushy Love Letters!

Just don’t do it. I can’t emphasize this more. The mission call (from the prophet) is pretty clear about this. “Leaving behind all other personal affairs.” The honest truth is that a letter going into depth about how you remember that time when you cuddled under the stars and had your first kiss and other romantic intimate moments that you may have experienced together is just plain inappropriate. Romance is not bad. It is great! And after their mission is through, I’m sure it will be even better!

Just think about it this way, for every distracting love letter you send, you may be taking away from the work that they are there to do. The work they have been commissioned by a prophet of God to fulfill. To invite others to come unto Christ. Everyone is different, (and feel free to disagree with me here), but when a missionary gets one of those letters, it could be a few days before they snap out of the distraction that this creates. Anytime they see a person of the opposite sex they will probably think about you. And if their mind is not single to the work, there are things that they might miss, contacts they may not make, lessons they may not teach, and people they may not help to come unto Christ. Not to mention the conflict this may cause within the companionship. Like it or not, the companionship they should be most focused on is the one that they are assigned to as a missionary. Not yours. And most likely, the one they are in with their missionary companion may already have enough drama to worry about and resolve. Please, provide spiritual uplifting and spiritual support. Not romantic distraction. Please, no cologne/perfume or lipstick on letters. Enough said.

 

4. Become a Missionary Yourself.

Mormon Missionaries

The Other Side of Heaven – © Excel Entertainment.

I submit to you that the thing that will make you fall in (lasting) love more than any other will be this: become a missionary yourself. I’m not saying to go and apply for full-time missionary service with your bishop (though I am not saying that you shouldn’t! – pray about it, if you feel it is right). I AM saying that you should seek to do missionary work right now. In your situation and sphere of influence. And if you live in Utah and feel like there is nothing to do and you can’t really do missionary work, then please read this article about what you can do right now to be a missionary online. I promise you that the degree to which you focus on becoming a missionary will be the degree to which you are blessed in your life and in your relationship with all people–Not just your significant other who is serving. Think of the good you can do. For those in your own sphere as well as for the one you care about who is serving a mission. This will help you become true friends, as Elder Hales taught above.

728x259 LYM1

Please don’t take this to mean that love or romance is bad. And that showing your love to a full-time missionary sweetheart is a negative thing. It is not. I’m only saying that we should be careful the way we express that love. John Groberg was in love with his sweetheart while serving a mission in the Pacific islands. (If you haven’t seen the movie about his mission called “The Other Side of Heaven”, it’s a classic). Consider his story of how true love motivated him and even saved his life while he was serving a full-time mission.

“We were caught in another violent storm, only this time at sea. The waves became so big they flipped our small boat over, throwing the three of us into the raging, churning ocean. When I found myself in the middle of a tumultuous sea, I was surprised, scared, and a little upset. ‘Why has this happened?’ I thought. ‘I’m a missionary. Where is my protection? Missionaries aren’t supposed to swim.’ But swim I must if I wished to stay alive. Every time I complained I found myself underwater, so it didn’t take long to quit complaining. Things are how they are, and complaining doesn’t help. I needed every ounce of energy to keep my head above water and make it to shore. Having earned my Eagle Scout Award, I was a pretty confident swimmer, but over time the wind and the waves began to sap my strength. I never quit trying, but there came a time when my muscles simply would move no more. I had a prayer in my heart, but still I began to sink. As I was going down for what could have been the last time, the Lord infused into my mind and heart a deep feeling of love for a very special person. It was as though I could see and hear her. Even though she was 8,000 miles away, the power of that love came rushing across those miles and, penetrating time and space, reached down and pulled me up—lifted me from the depths of darkness, despair, and death and brought me up to light and life and hope. With a sudden burst of energy I made it to shore, where I found my shipmates. Never underestimate the power of true love, for it knows no barriers.”

Feel free to listen to Elder Groberg tell the story here: http://youtu.be/jTPbOPaaWt8?t=9m13s

Serving a full-time mission is not an easy thing to do. There are storms to swim through that are so daunting that they nearly drown the missionary. The love you send can strengthen and lift that missionary. Communicate love through the filter of the Savior’s desire for all people to come unto Him and you will empower your serving friend to accomplish mighty miracles.

I understand that this article may be a bit controversial. I’m fine with that. I just know that generally, this advice will really help the work move forward. And I also know – absolutely – that if you apply the above principles of drawing closer to them spiritually more than any other thing, you will come closer than you ever could have by being a romantic distraction. This will bless you both.

Your Faith has EVERYTHING to do with your Romance

The closer you become spiritually (during their mission and after they return), the stronger your bonds will be. I conclude with Elder Holland’s words:

“You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart.” 2

  1. Temple Blessings. BYU Devotional given November 15, 2005.
  2. Jeffrey R. Holland – How Do I Love Thee – BYU Devotional given Feb 15, 2000.

avatar Andy Proctor (42 Posts)

Andy is the creator of T​he Returned Missionary (this blog)​, encouraging the tens of thousands of LDS missionaries who come home every year to continue to be productive, hardworking, faithful, and happy long after their full-time mission has ended. His goal with this blog is to help people know how they can live the gospel while living their dreams. He just launched his first book for RMs, called ​Live Your Mission: 21 Powerful Principles to Discover Your Life Mission after Your Mission, which is the first book in the L​ive My Gospel​ book series. He also owns and manages the LDSmissionaries.com blog. He is a regular contributor to Meridian Magazine and has been featured on the Mormon.org blog as well as LDS Living and Deseret News.


82 Comments

  1. In truth, the best thing that happened to me as a missionary was having the guy end up finding someone else and Dear Johning me. I also wrote a missionary and while the effort to focus on spiritual things in my life was awesome, the drama that always comes with these kinds of situations can be a distraction. That said, I have two sisters who did send off missionaries and married them. So who I am to say lean away from that? 🙂

    Seems to me we should see fewer such pairs given the age change…and more time post-mission to develop the kind of serious relationships that could lead to marriage.

    So I’m a fan of no waiting. But for those who are already in that position (and I know for some they feel right about where they are so that,s none of my business), I think you gave great advice.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Thanks for your thoughtful response. I agree with you about the age change. I don’t want to tell people what to do. Everyone is free to choose whatever they want to do, but these are just simple pieces of advice, based on my opinion. I did try to base my opinions off of principles and truths. I do know that if these principles are applied, people will be blessed. It is a win win scenario. But people can do what they want. 🙂

  2. avatar Caroline Costa says:

    Well, thanks for the advices!
    I have missionary witch we comunicate, but I’m just kinda ”new” in this thing, so your advices were the answer to my prayers!!
    Thanks a lot!
    Hugs,
    Carol =)

  3. Thank you so much for this! I am writing a missionary, he’s been gone 13 months now, and this list is something I discovered bit by bit as the time has passed. Thank you for sharing this, I’m recommitting to do even better 🙂 It’s also refreshing to not hear someone beating down someone who is writing a missionary.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      JD thank you for your thoughtful response! Everyone is free to be as they wish. Whether we are a missionary or a member, God cares about our progress and how close we get to Him. The most important relationship is the one we have with Him. The strength of our relationship with God will govern the strength of all other relationships.

  4. I was on a fb page “waiting for a missionary” and soon realized what a distraction it was becoming to ME. All these girls couldn’t wait for their love to be home, and in the process would send enormous amounts of mush! And receive it back! I could only imagine the distraction that was becoming! Well, seeing THEM do it, I thought maybe I was supposed to as well. BAD IDEA! I felt awful. So after praying about it, I got off the facebook page and recommit to being spiritually uplifting! And then the next day in sacrament meeting, the speaker said, “If you want it to last forever, you have to treat it differently.” Wow. Not to say that none of those girls’ relationships will work out, but for ME… If I want mine to last forever, we’ve gotta be different from them! And I feel much better doing so! Thanks for that post! It’s nice to see that I’m doing things right!

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Way to go Meg. You will be a powerful voice for good inside and outside of the Church. The Lord needs more people like you and your friend on the mission.

  5. Amazing advice. Wish I had seen it sooner than the 21st month that he’s been out. I’m just concerned that I haven’t grown as much as he has. And it may be too late 🙁

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Julie, it is never too late to be your best self. Just remember who you are at all times and remember that deep down inside you are just as spiritual and powerful as any missionary. Elder Ballard just gave a great talk about the power of the women in the Church.

    • Same here! 🙁 I feel like he is perfect and I am falling from the church.

  6. I waited loyally for my missionary & supported him every step of the way. He said it impacted him & his mission in the most positive way, inspiring him to be the best he could be. He trained while he was a DL, he was a ZL, & served his last 6 months as AP. It only had a positive affect on us & brought us closer together. As we both drew nearer to God we drew nearer to each other as well. To those waiting, I suggest reading John Bytheway’s Book called Behind Every Good Man. Use the principles taught in there. Live a consecrated life whether on or off a mission. All love, no drama. And don’t date while you wait because you will cause unnecessary stress. Put yourself in your missionaries shoes. You are either in for 2 years or you are out. My missionary wrote weekly & we traded photos, videos, voice recs so that helped us as well. If you get confirmation to wait, then do so loyally If you don’t, then move on.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Thanks for sharing Sarah.

    • I love this. Thank you. My best friend who i dated of and on for a few years just entered the MTC today. i love him to death and we’ve had a rocky past. all in all he brought me to the church and i’m proud to see him going off on his mission. I hope to wait for him, but i also plan to go on a mission of my own. We are here to have faith in Heavenly Father and I do. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with others <3

  7. I LOVE your point about being a missionary as much as possible online! That’s such a fantastic idea! I know I’ve felt paralyzed sometimes by being surrounded by pretty dense LDS community, and I know while my husband was out, I felt like, although I did everything I could to serve the Lord in my own way, I struggled with missionary opportunities. Technology can be the solution. Great point!

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Tia, I’m glad you think so. We need more help to do online missionary work! Feel free to read this article for more information about how. More will be coming as well.

  8. I am currently almost 18 months into the wait for my dear missionary! I am so greatful someone else has the same opinion and counsel as I have felt the need to conduct my wait in. Focusing on the spiritual side of things really does help. It not only helps him but it helps you grow as well. You find out who you really are and how much God loves you and really does have the best interest in mind for you. I am a fan of waiting as long as waiting doesn’t mean putting your life on hold for him. He is growing out in the field so naturally we must grow as well in order to keep our paths going towards the same destination, and that is eternal exhaltation together. Thanks so much for this atricle it truly is what we MG’s/ MB’s ( Missionary girlfriends/ Boyfriends) need to be doing 🙂

  9. I just came across this today and found that it is very insightful and true. I served my own mission in Mozambique a little over a year ago. When I left I had a girl that I had dated throughout high school and was writing me as well but she found someone about 6 months before I came home. This really came as no surprise to me because I could feel that distance growing as I was becoming closer with my savior and began listening and focusing more on the spirit. Coming back, I met a young lady in college who is absolutely wonderful, but she happened to be one of those excited young sisters that wanted to serve a mission now that the age had changed. We dated up until the time she left and I made no effort to ever try to stop her from going. I could not take away an experience from her that had become so pivotal to the identity that I had comes to form for myself and also a greater and more profound knowledge of my savior. She has only been out about 6 months but as I have written her and shared my own experiences, my testimony, and also my love for the savior with her we have truly grown closer together. I love hearing about her experiences, good and bad, and do all I can to help her grow in that testimony and strength. Elder Holland’s words are true as they focus on building faith as the center stone of your relationship. It has been a great journey through my own mission and a blessing to understand the importance of growing in the gospel and in your testimony. I appreciate that someone can see that importance as well. Whether you wait, don’t wait, or something happens and you don’t end up together it is important to know that God loves you and is aware of what is happening in your life and will always direct you in the path that will bring you everlasting happiness if you will heed his words. Thank you for this post, I really enjoyed it!

  10. I love this! I’ve been waiting for my sweetheart. He’s been on his mission for 6 months now, and we chose to not formally date before his mission, so the wait goes back beyond that. I am a convert (I was actually interested in the Church before any romance between us), and not only did me joining the Church bring us closer together, but him serving has. I was recently discouraged because I was going to serve a mission and was awaiting my call when I had a medical episode that has now made it no longer possible for me to serve, so I love the encouragement that you gave about serving where we are and online. Everything you listed is what I’ve been striving to do, and it really enforced for me that I’m doing the right thing and to keep doing it. So thank you!

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Alexis, your life is exactly what this article is all about! I’m glad you found it! Keep it up and never stop being a missionary, even after your sweetheart comes home. It will strengthen you both then even more than now. Thank you for commenting. 🙂

  11. avatar Sharon Whittaker says:

    Some great suggestions here for everyone. Sometimes I think the missionaries themselves are the ones making these harsh judgements on themselves. The culture in our ward extends nothing but love to those who return early from a mission, whether it be for health, sin or any other reason.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Thanks Sharon. The hardest person to forgive is often ourselves. It is true, and often our perception of what others’ perception is of us is incorrect. I would actually say most of the time.

  12. Missionaries should not have a girlfriend at home waiting for them. Serious courtship-oriented dating shouldn’t be until after a missionary serves.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Colin. Thanks for your feedback. No full-time missionary should EVER open their heart romantically in the mission field to those they are serving. See “Lock Your Heart” by Spencer W. Kimball. This is very clear. I also believe (as I mention in one of the points above) that mushy love letters only distract missionaries from fulfilling what the prophet tells them to do in their mission call. Here are the words:
      “You will also be expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs. As you do these things, the Lord will bless you, and you will become an effective advocate and messenger of the truth.” I love that. An invitation with a promise from a prophet of God. I believe it is possible to maintain relationships with dear friends and family who are true to the intent of that call from a prophet of God – to devote all time and attention to serving the Lord…leaving behind all other personal affairs. Friends can actually be a strength if they are doing the things that I suggest above (becoming a missionary themselves). Otherwise, whether it is a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a brother or a parent, these distractions can have a negative effect on the missionary who is trying to keep their mind and heart focused on the work – to fulfill this call from a prophet. As an MTC teacher, I would always tell my Elders and sisters, the story of how I broke off any serious relationships with girls before I left for the mission and why I did it (quoting the mission call), and then I would leave it up to them. And though I broke off romantic ties with girls, I did maintain relationships with girls during my whole mission by letter. Two of them were serving missions themselves and others would serve later, but all of them boosted me and made me want to be an even better missionary for the Lord.

  13. i am currently waiting on my boyfriend of 2years and 2months who is currently serving in Arizona at the moment. he doesnt write but he does mail me which i totally understand. he said he doesnt have much time i was not mad at all despite all that we promised before he went that was to write to each other but when he got to the field he said its more demanding than he ever thot ! its not a problem for me because i am a member myself was born and raise in the church. and i love the gospel so much. i get the mushy letters and stuff i got to say when we first emailed i sort of wrote that all because i was no not used to not talking to him and it was weird but with the help of my sister who was a missionary and other church friends i moved away from writing those kinds of emails. i do not want to distract him. im glad and thankful for the support my friends and families have shown when he left and advised me on what to write to him. and i am happily waiting on him although it has only been 5 months 🙂

    great tips and yes im looking for ways to become a missionary myself. i have recently finished reading the BOM and re-reading it again. i am also serving in my ward through teaching the relief society on every third sundays i have become spiritually strong through the gospel in which i owe so much.

    mahalo !

  14. I would have to agree with Colin, By experience its best that Elders or Sister’s shouldnt have a relationship before they leave. Im not saying they should completely forget about the person, IF they’re still single when they return they could give it another shot. People change in 18-24months. Life progresses, we’d expect that the world will be on pause but it won’t. Personally i find it unfair for the person back home, all their friends are dating around and they’re “locking themselves in a box” untill the return of their missionary. As for the missionary they’re either focused on the mission or focused on home, I started out writing letters to my friends and family and near the end the only thing that mattered for me was writing an email to my mother. Yes i returned home with hardly any friends but that doesnt matter, you will still reconnect and make new friends its not as bad as you think because you have the mission to grasp on to.
    Its part of our belief that there is no such thing as “the one”. My advice, date around when the missionary is gone, if you meet someone that sparks your interest more than the missionary thats great! if you’re still single and you want to try again when they return good! Life is about progression, surly you won’t marry someone you don’t love.
    God doesn’t give revelation on whom we’re supposed to marry, God gave us the ability to choose, Missionaries before you leave on your mission enjoy the time you have left with ALL your friends (you’ll get more letters and packages) don’t single yourself out with one person because lets be honest and realistic. you don’t know what will happen. Boyfriends and Girlfriends, keep supporting the missionary but don’t lock your heart while they’re away, date around, maybe you find someone better maybe not. we need to accept the fact that WE DONT KNOW what will happen. its best to cut relationships off before the missionary could be an emotional mess if anything happens. (had many companions that where like that… not so fun ¬.¬)

  15. this is amazing advise and I was just wondering if you have a bit more for me? I grew up mormon, my family became inactive shortly before I was born but always taught me what I wanted to know and needed to know and I’ve always looked into getting baptized, and I’ve been taking lessons the past few months and was a bit skeptical because of all the rules of the church but then I met this one missionary who just kinda clicked with me. I felt horrible for liking a missionary I felt it was inappropriate but I couldn’t help myself, so I decided to learn even more and to change so much and idk if he likes me back (seems like he does even my family thinks he does lol) but I was willing to wait till the end of his mission for him which is still like a year and a half but I’m willing. I asked God for a sign if it was true or if I was just being hopeful and I had a dream I read a piece of paper that said (‘Who you will marry’) and underneath had his name…so I looked up a meaning and it said if you read a page in your dream it’s almost like a “what’s to come in the future” message so idk 🙂 but I don’t know how to know if he feels the same…I know not to distract him because he is focused which I love. Oh and! he is the reason (one of the many) I am getting baptized this Saturday! 🙂 I know not to get my hopes up about him but I just want to know what I should do?…

  16. Thanks for sharing this!! For now on, I will do the right thing!

  17. Thank you for this wonderful article. I really love the advices 🙂

  18. I really loved this! My best friend just went on his mission to Africa. We have been really good friends for three years. I am very proud and happy that he is on a mission but saying goodbye was one of the hardest things for me. Your article was such an answer to my prayers and I want to say thank you so much! I really love how you said that by becoming closer within the gospel and the church it can not only bring you and them together but also closer to your heavenly father!

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      So glad Kallie. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

      • I’m a member of the church i have two wonderful sister missionaries. the thing is i have strong feelings of love for one of them but i know i can’t tell cuz i don’t her mission to end even though it ends the same day as my baptism the 3rd of october 2014 I’ve tried so hard to keep feelings from her while she’s doing her mission when is the right time to tell she my contacts in her book journal but I don’t have her I don’t think it’s right her not knowing my feelings me not knowing if she feels the same the preach marriage that we should find a wife they also allow married couples to be missionaries so why can’t new partners whether non missionaries or at mission they should otherwise it’s segregating people from the rights to love another person.

        • avatar Andy Proctor says:

          I am not sure I fully understand, and I’m sorry my reply is so late. I hope that things went well and I am sure that with prayer and good communication with you and your loved one, you will figure things out. Feel free to reply and clarify if you would like. Blessings.

  19. Currently, I am not a member of the Church. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 19 months, and he left for the MTC today. We talked prior to his departure and felt it was not right for me to join the church until he returns, because he should be the one to baptize me. The first time I really even felt the Spirit was while he was being set apart. Do you have any tips for how to support him spiritually, even though I am not a member? (I am planning to read the Book of Mormon as a surprise) I just don’t want to be a negative distraction, but I still want to keep in constant contact wit him.

    • Brittany, Thanks for sharing your story! That’s pretty cool! Just remember that your relationship from God is independent of your relationship with your boyfriend. I am married and madly in love, and we both have relationships with God independent of our relationships with each other. Like this article says, the best way to come closer to the one who you love who is on a full-time mission is to progress spiritually as well. I hope that you are not offended by this, but honestly to wait for him to baptize you is in my opinion not the best decision. You will want to progress together. Baptism is progress and you will be able to feel the Spirit even more strongly once you have been confirmed a member of the Church and given the gift of the Holy Ghost. I promise you that you and your boyfriend will be blessed if you get baptized before he returns – more than if you wait to have him baptize you. It is great to be in constant contact with him and you will not be a distraction if you are constantly progressing and coming closer to God, just like he is while he is out on his mission. This is the main purpose of this blog post, to help those who are waiting to understand that if their sweetheart’s mission is successful, they will come back a different person. A more spiritually mature person whose heart is pointed to their relationship with God more than any other relationship. The beauty is that you can do the same thing. And when your hearts are both independently pointing to your relationship with God (over any other relationship), you will come closer together than you ever could have if you were only pointing to each other. Does that make sense? Feel free to ask others, but I would recommend the following:
      1. Read the Book of Mormon and pray to know if it is true.
      2. Read the lessons in the book Preach My Gospel and include thoughts about those in your letters/emails to him.
      3. Watch General Conference that is coming up and find inspirational quotes that you can send to him.
      4. If after praying, you come to know that the Book of Mormon is true, write a letter to your boyfriend’s mission president with your testimony of the Book of Mormon, Jesus Christ and of the Restored Gospel (I’m happy to help you find out how to get in contact with the mission president). In your letter, explain what you have explained to me, but to him. Then the mission president will be able to help both you and your sweetheart know how to proceed.

      This is just my advice. I would also say that if you know that it is true, don’t wait for your boyfriend to baptize you. Just go for it. You will both be blessed for that and you will come closer than you would have if you didn’t. But do it for you. Not for him. It is a covenant / promise between you and God….not you and your boyfriend. That’s my advice. I hope it helps! I’ll pray for you guys. 🙂

  20. Thank you so much for this blog!!! I was overthinking for almost 3days. And I prayed for a peace in mind and ‘your blog is the answer.. BUT!! I have a guy bestfriend. And He promised me this: “I’ll be back for you when I get home from my mission. But for now, my Loyalty is with God and very much EYE SINGLE TO HIS GLORY. I trust God ‘s plan and I trust you also for waiting for me..” Will I wait for him? Will he return with honor? .. But wait, I’ll be serving on a mission too.. We’re both applying now.. Is there such a thing as “Me and Him after our mission”?

    • I mean he promised me that he will be back for me after his mission and We’ll get married in the temple. ‘Coz we all know that Elders will serve for 2yrs so basically, I’ll get home first. So there goes the waiting thingy.. Is he worth the wait?

      • avatar Andy Proctor says:

        Kimberly, That’s a great question. I’m sure you will figure this out. Just stay close to the Lord and you will both know. There will be thousands of opportunities for you both to learn how to be experts in receiving personal revelation on the mission. IF nothing else during your mission, focus on becoming an expert at receiving personal revelation while on the mission. Then when you come home, you will receive revelation for every circumstance you find yourself in (including whether or not you should wait for your boy). If you put the Lord first, you can know that you will never go wrong. And keep in mind that, ultimately, it will be your decision. Stay close to the Lord and may you both lose your selves in the service of God, and then when you return, you’ll both know. It will be okay. Just keep swimming. 🙂

  21. I just sent my boyfriend of two and half years off to the MTC three weeks ago, and I have been really struggling to feel like I can keep up with him spiritually. I am doing everything I can to grow and come closer to the Savior, but I know I cannot keep up with the experiences he will be having. I don’t feel like I will be progressing as much as he will. I have a hard time believing that I will be enough for him when he gets back after he has been so much improved. Any advice?

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Trisha, What a wonderful attitude you have about this! You have a great heart and I know that if you put the Lord first and develop your relationship with Him while your bf is serving, the Lord will lead you to become the person He wants you to be. I think the things in this article are really good pointers as where to start out. I will also anonymously post this to a user group and see what responses they give to this as well.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Trisha, these are all comments from a facebook community called “1 Million Mormons on Fb” – remember everyone has their own opinion, but I hope some of these help. I basically posted the link and then your question. Here are the responses (I literally just copied and pasted from facebook):

      Antony Wright: My now daughter in law had the same problem when my son went on his mission. She solved t by doing a mini mission for just one week. It helped her tremendously. Aslo staying in touch with the missionaries family on a very regular basis – fitting in with them and getting to know them for who they are. When my son came home they then spent 6 months getting to know each other again and they got married Saturday just gone (1st November). They are made for each other.
      November 5 at 11:49am · Like · 2

      Mary Hammond: Consider preparing to serve a mission too
      November 5 at 11:51am · Like · 2

      Marjorie Claire Tooke Gholson: If you are faithful to your own study, prayer, service attendance, calling etc.. you will grow exactly like you are supposed too. work on your testimony, I trust Heavenly Father to take care of you exactly the way He wants you to be.
      November 5 at 11:59am · Like · 3

      Gregg Hammerquist: She can go on a Mission and they’d only be 6 months off!
      November 5 at 12:02pm · Like · 1

      Debbie Donham Cherry Prayer us a great way to start. Support your missionary is priority now is taking and sharing our the messages. I’m sure he has always been a servant of The Lord, you are part of the support group
      November 5 at 12:41pm · Like

      Carrie Burrows Lawrence Read a lot of scriptures, spread the Gospel, share your testimony. Make the Gospel your life. Because that’s what he is doing.
      November 5 at 12:42pm · Like

      Carrie Burrows Lawrence Love him and support him,write a lot of letters.
      November 5 at 12:43pm · Like

      Carrie Burrows Lawrence maybe go on a mission your self.
      November 5 at 12:43pm · Like · 2

      Carrie Burrows Lawrence Pray
      November 5 at 12:44pm · Like

      Carrie Burrows Lawrence Fast and Pray.
      November 5 at 12:44pm · Like

      Omar Madrid pray.
      November 5 at 12:48pm · Like

      Anita Corbett Hales Participate in missionary work locally! Do what missionaries do. go on a mission yourself.
      November 5 at 12:49pm · Like · 1

      Robert Tombs My first comment was a joke. However, serving a mission is a good plan. 6 months to prepare, 18 months service, he won’t be waiting for you any longer than you waited for him, if you factor-out the one year age difference in eligibility.
      November 5 at 12:52pm · Like

      Marlene Libbus Stop putting u down. U don’t have to keep up with another person ever. Be yourself, get on with ur life while he is away. When he comes back he will see how much you have grown.
      November 5 at 1:05pm · Like · 1

      Maria E Diosdado Serve a mission is the best think I did in my life. I was 21 when I join the church (in my beautiful country, France)and 23 when I when on a mission. At the time my boyfriend ask me not to go but to marry him…I was devastated but I was not sought in my mind that was an invitation from Heavenly Father, plus my patriarchal blessing state clearly that I must go on a mission. Pray about it, but the choice would be always your.
      November 5 at 1:15pm · Like

      Veronica Wages Don’t sell yourself short! Even when you marry 2 people are almost never at the same level. The Lord will bless your every effort! You be your best self and you will be enough! Be a member missionary while he is gone and get a Preach My Gospel handbook and go through it personally yourself1 Its Great!
      November 5 at 1:23pm · Edited · like · 3

      Carrie Densley Put God first
      November 5 at 1:23pm · like · 1

      Robert Leah Ezra Blake
      November 5 at 1:27pm · Like

      Robert Leah Ezra Blake Service work in your ward in your life with your family with your friends…………..dive into the word and discuss your concerns with the Lord, be a shining example of Jesus Christ and you WILL progress just as much !!!!!!! and he will be a lucky man when he returns.
      November 5 at 1:27pm · like · 1

      Arwen Laird You know, even when you are married you aren’t necessarily going to be at the same spiritual levels. You may even switch places now and then. She needs to enjoy her life and share it with him while he enjoys his and shares it with her. I think if for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out, it won’t hit like a ton of bricks. I think it would be pretty subtle due to time and miles. So until whatever happens (apart or together), enjoy the letters and the experiences. You will either be together, or be really good friends. Being a soldier who has travelled, especially during boot camp, letters were just AWESOME to receive. They really help keep a person’s mind at ease and keep them close to home. She is doing more good than she knows . Keep writing and enjoy it.
      November 5 at 1:34pm · like · 1

      Maria Allen Service and never comparing your spiritual worth to his.
      November 5 at 1:50pm · like · 1

      Anita Corbett Hales My daughter went on a mission and her boyfriend, who had not considered a mission before decided to serve as well. After their missions they got married in the temple. It has been a great blessing to their family.
      November 5 at 1:53pm · like · 2

      Paula W Ashcraft Judging oneself based on the judgment of someone else does not work. All she can do is work on her own spirituality and get to a point where she’s comfortable with her own relationship with God, & not putting someone else on a pedestal. Coming home from a mission or starting a new life through marriage, is not the end of your progression, it’s the beginning of two people having to work together on struggles and challenges. Yes it’s great to have intellectual conversations with someone on the same level but two people having different perspectives is also a good way to have an interesting and robust marriage. The key is not to try to be as good as someone else, but to have the relationship that you want personally with God.
      November 5 at 2:11pm · like · 1

      Joel Nelson When I left on my mission, the wonderful woman who is now my wife told me she would wait. I didn’t want her to wait, and I told her so. I wanted to marry her, but I wanted to serve the Lord more. And she also wanted me to serve the Lord more than she wanted to marry me. So she decided that she would wait, but date, and I would write and see what happens, counting on absolutely nothing.

      While I was serving the Lord, she was dating, attending the temple, and progressing with her school and her career, serving in callings and becoming a much more wonderful person. She didn’t sit waiting for me. I wouldn’t have wanted her to. I didn’t consider myself entitled to her hand in marriage, and for her to waste away at home waiting for me would have been unfair to her and unfair to her future husband (lucky for me, that was me – it took me almost two weeks to propose after I returned).
      November 5 at 2:18pm · like · 4

      Robert Leah Ezra Blake very inspirational and GREAT advice Joel.
      November 5 at 2:21pm · Like

      Robert Tombs Amazing how shy we all got while on our missions, joel ….. at least around young ladies. It was that whole “arms length” thing I think.
      November 5 at 2:22pm · Like

      Peggy Clark live YOUR life :}….you will both be growing…and who knows xxoo
      November 5 at 2:38pm · like · 1

      Richard Lyle Jones You can do anything you want. If it is to be, it will still be right 2 yrs later.
      November 5 at 3:40pm · like · 1

      McKay Hatch you can keep up with him. Here are some things that will help. Keep the missionary schedule. Set aside time each day to study the scriptures especially. Try to be a missionary. You can have experiences too! Granted they will be different than his. You can still grow as well. Work on being your best self.
      November 5 at 3:54pm · like · 2

      Christa Timmerman keep in touch with him and support him…and …. study, pray and fast to find out if you maybe can go on a mission yourself. Then you both can share the experiences you both make.
      November 5 at 4:31pm · like · 1

      Sharon Moran We were dating when I found the church and was baptized 12-26-81 he was there, as my guest, felt the spirit and took the discussions and was baptized 2-3-82 We got engaged he asked me, “what I was doing the next 35 million years.” A year later he spoke with the Bishop and decided to ask me if I would be ok if he went on a mission first. So for the next year we saved up to purchase the items he would need for his mission. Then Six months later he got his call to California to serve in Sacramento. We were converts and had been engaged for 2 1/2 years when he left. Weird as it sounds we stayed engaged. Did not break it off. Our letters to each other was focused on his missionary experience. While he was away I was actively involved in the single adults group reaching out to our military singles here on base that were here for a few months for training helping them feel welcome helping them stay active in church. I felt the way you are feeling. I didn’t want my guy growing more than me in the faith. It worked out for us. We had set a goal that when the Dallas, TX Temple was open to the public we would take our parents to go see it. He was still on his Mission so I had the privilege to take them to see where we were going to get married and sealed for time and all eternity. Six months after he was home we were married and sealed there in Dallas. We’ve been married for 28 1/2 years now. You can do this. Really get involved with growing your faith. Make time for scripture studies and daily prayers. Read your Sunday school lessons and RS lesson manual. Help encourage your guy pray for his success in the field. God Bless you!
      November 5 at 4:52pm · Edited · like · 2

      Jhing Toledo Agpoon if u really love him then always think of how much the lord bless your relationship,and how muchhe had trusted youhis love…i know it’s not easy but if u really love him,trust the lord,he knows everything…
      November 5 at 8:55pm · like · 1

      John Pack Lambert Just focus on being as good as you can be spiritually, don’t try to measure up to others.
      November 6 at 9:12pm · Like

  22. avatar Alisa Livingston says:

    you pretty much hit everything! I have a missionary coming back in 2 weeks, and having served a mission myself while he was serving was one of the most amazing things! We both grew spiritually and our love matured over the time he has been gone. So crazy to think it’s been two years already. To those ‘waiting,’ don’t hault your life until he gets back! Getting out and doing things that invigorate your mind and body in positive ways are a way I found helped me come to know my identity more! Sharing my experiences with him as he shares his personal experiences with me are what kept us together! We were both growing and being prepared in ways the Lord had in mind for us, and I am so grateful for that! YA’LL CAN DO IT!!

  23. I just came across this article and I absolutely adore it. There are so many blogs out there about how to wait for a missionary, filled with time consuming crafts and sticker posters. When I sent off my missionary in November 2013, we both agreed the best option for both of us would be if I did not wait for him. I can honestly say it has been the biggest blessing to not have the added pressure of waiting for a missionary on top of the stress of everyday life. I still write him every week, and growing together spiritually has helped each of us in our daily lives. I really like how you suggested to “ask God to bless you with spiritual experiences to match the ones your missionary is having”, spiritual growth is the most important thing for both of us during these two years.
    I also think it is important to touch on the fact that I have learned so much from the life experiences I have had while dating the past year and three months. I quickly learned the qualities I want in an eternal companion and know that come november when he comes home, I can be absolutely certain that he is the one. Here’s to enjoying the journey the right way.

  24. Hey! I’m hoping you can answer my question. I met this missionary Elder K about 6 months ago, he’s from Cali serving his mission in Florida. He and his companion converted me, and I can’t put into words how amazing my life has been since. After getting to know him, I realized I like him. Everyone here says he’s a model missionary, a sincere modest soul, he even broke up with his gf from back home because she was a distraction. I read up as much as I could about missionaries so I could better understand the rules. I gave him a letter to read when he goes home, about my feelings for him. If he goes home and likes me back, what would he do? Would he try to come see me? Also, is it an ok idea for me to wait for him? All I’ve found online are stories of girls who wait for their missionary boyfriends, nothing about a girl waiting for the missionary who converted her. I believe he’s worth the wait, I guess I want to know if it’s unusual or odd.

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Hillary, congratulations on your baptism and membership in the Church! What a wonderful choice this is. Everyone might have a different opinion about this, but here is my opinion. I think that it would be perfectly fine to communicate with him after he is finished with his mission. I think that you are wise not to reach out in a romantic way during the mission because, like you said, it is a distraction and also is a direct temptation for a full-time missionary to actually break the mission rules in his area. There is a great talk by Spencer W. Kimball (a past president of the Church and prophet) called “Lock Your Heart” that is directed to missionaries. This is something that you might read just to understand why missionaries have such strict rules about romance during the mission. It is not against the rules for missionaries to write and keep a relationship going with people of the opposite sex from afar. But those who are in their mission boundaries or even in their area are not to be engaged with in this way. If after the mission he opens the letter you wrote him and he is also interested in you, I’m sure he will make it known (though you may need to have patience because he is getting used to being around and being interested in girls again). I think you have done all you can and the ball is in his court, but it isn’t really in his court until he is done with his mission. So until then, I would avoid sending any sort of romantic message to him. It’s easy to connect with people through the internet these days so when he finishes, just stay connected with him. And remember to be friends before you are sweethearts. This will help with a lot of things, your whole life, especially if you ended up getting married. I could go on, but I think I made it clear. Good luck! And don’t forget to become a missionary yourself and continue your own conversion. Remember that as he is on his mission, he is constantly growing spiritually, and you should be too, whether or not you end up in a relationship with him or someone else, you will be glad you strengthened your personal testimony and conversion. And I promise you that if you put your relationship with God before all other relationships, He will guide you to the perfect relationship, and will continue to guide you during that relationship.

      • Thank you so much for the response, very eloquently put! I feel myself growing closer with Heavenly Father and have had friends from work etc inquire to me about my religion, 2 friends have met with missionaries 🙂 I will make sure to not pass the friend boundary and wait patiently to hear from him.

  25. Thank you for sharing all of these things. Well, I am not waiting for a friend but I really find it interesting and helpful not only to those who are waiting but also for those who have many friends in the mission field, like me. Sometimes I just don’t know what is the right thing to tell them. Haha. Again, thank you for this article and I hope others will read it also.

  26. thank you so much! My missionary friend is going on his mission pretty soon and i am trying to get advice on how to help him and myself to really focus on the Lord, and i’m glad i found this.

  27. one thing i did, i made a promise that i will wait for him.

  28. i really did smile while reading from the start to the end of this journal. yes i did have my boy friend who is currently serving full time missionary. i MUST take all those perfumes and lipsticks(though its not with to strong perfumes and bloody red lipsticks) but i just think its right :)). thanks for this. i appreciate it so much.

  29. I really enjoy reading all of the comments on here. I have been having a difficult time recently because once I first met with the missionaries in my town I absolutely loved learning about the gospel and attending church. (No, that’s not the difficulty I have been having) 🙂 I am a recent convert and have been searching for more people to invite to the church and to talk to the sisters that are here now. I have been having a hard time because I fell for one of the missionaries that was teaching me. He said I made a huge impact on his life and that when his mission is over he will visit. I wrote him a letter which I was scared to do because I was afraid that he would read it before his mission was up. I made him promise me that he wouldn’t read it before his mission was over. The reason I did this is because the letter contained my feelings for him. I love that he is serving the Lord and that he has this amazing opportunity to serve his mission. I am glad that he chose to do so. I’m just upset because knowing that he wouldn’t be here long, I still allowed myself to fall for him, so after two and a half months, he is gone and I guess I’m just having a hard time because he will be gone for another 11 months and I don’t know if I’ll EVER see him again… i feel stupid at times because I feel like I shouldn’t be as upset as I am. All I know is that if it weren’t for him and his companion, I would not be the person I am today, they have made an amazing impact on me and have truly helped me better my life and come closer to our Heavenly Father and for that I am eternally grateful! It has only been five days since he has been gone and it has already been really hard, I’m just glad that if he has to be gone, that it is for this reason. (To serve the Lord) I keep looking back at pictures and rereading the note he wrote me in the back of my B.O.M. I also feel dumb because I don’t even know how he feels but yet I am continuously thinking about him and the memories that we had… it’s just something that I have never felt before I guess. I really hope he finishes his mission strong and serves the best he can!

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      Thanks for your sincerity Ashley. 🙂 Missionaries are pretty amazing. The truth is that if it is right, and you wait the 11 months until he is back, it will still be right. If you feel in your heart, deep down that you are meant to be with him, then you will, even if you don’t talk to him or see him for 11 months. Also, like I said in the article, if you put your relationship with the Lord first, all other relationships will fall into place, not just with your future sweetheart, but with all people. Blessings to you.

      • I went to a P-Day that the new missionaries invited me to, and he was there so it was exciting to see him a little bit. I definitely plan on waiting until he gets off his mission. I am just worried he won’t visit even though he said he will. He actually said that he plans to move back as soon as he gets off his mission. I love going to church and haven’t missed a Sunday!!! 🙂 I know whatever happens it happens for a reason because God knows what I’d best for me and knows how my life is supposed to go!

  30. avatar Jessica Mason says:

    Thanks so much! I have a friend out and i asked my cousin who is on his mission what i should write to him and he told me to just keep it light focus on the spirit and let the lord help you write the email. So this and my cousins response has really helped thanks!

  31. I’m leaving on my mission this summer, my girlfriend leaves on hers a year and a half after I get out, then once I get back, I’ll be waiting on her for another year. We will be apart for three long years, but we both know it’s the right thing to do. This is great advice, thank you!

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      I’m so glad! If it is the right thing now, it will still be right then. Blessings to both of you on your missions.

  32. Thank you so much for this article. My Missionary has been gone 6 months. waiting is probably one of the hardest things I have done, I am not a patient person at all, and I am all very new to this. He was my very first serious relationship, although I knew from the moment we started talking he was going to go on a mission, I was not 100% ready for him to leave for 2 years and I have no idea how to wait, but once he told me the reason as to why he was going on a mission; Not only to serve the Lord but he owed it to Heavenly Father to go out and do His work because He helped him through so many things, it was that moment I fell in love with him and in that moment I knew he was the one I wanted to marry.
    So what I am getting at, is that this Article has been a blessing for me. It’s 100% what I need to hear. So thank you for being that still small voice!

  33. I ‘m really glad i found this article! I’m kind of waiting for a missionary and he’s been gone for about 3 months and i try really hard to be careful when i email him or send a letter. trying to balance out sharing my struggles and my experiences with other people and spiritual thoughts has been difficult but i’m so grateful for this learning experience! your article has really helped me to realize that i’m doing things the right way and i needed that reassurance. Even though i’m not serving a mission i can still grow just as much has him!
    thank you so much for your words!

  34. So I’m actually planing on serving my mission in May, but my boyfriend and I have fallen in love. We’ve only been dating for 3 months but we have already told each other that we love each other and we’ve even talked about marriage and kids. Now I’m torn because I don’t really know what to do, should I go and serve my mission or should I stay and continue my studies and see if things work out with him? Any advice?

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      It’s super personal. Only YOU can decide this. God will not choose for you and you have to be the one who makes the choice. The Lord will, however, give you clarity as you make the decision. Pray for clarity. You’ll know what to do. Trust your inner wisdom. Don’t move too fast either way. Also, you’ll be fine either way as long as you stay close to the Lord.

  35. My girlfriend just left for her mission in January. For me, it was kinda a wake up call to improve myself. She would be devoting every moment of her life for 1.5 years to the service of the Lord, so why can’t I do better. Through her mission so far I have become motivated to become even more active in the church. All in the goal of being a great man worthy of a temple marriage with her. We’ve talked every week since she left. I make sure not to say anything that may make her feel bad about her mission. I make sure she knows that I pray for her every night and support her choices fully. We do talk sweet to each other. However we keep everything appropriate and not to the point where it is too distracting to her duties. The thing is, I am a recent convert of almost 3 years and have not known too many missionary couples or how they go about waiting for their missionary. Am I doing this right? Any advice?

  36. I am a member of the church since birth and now I have a boyfriend and he is going to MTC this coming june and the counsel of our bishop is that better broke up. What should I do? if both of us doesn’t want to broke up but to continue our relationship and wait for him. but our relationship now is in limitation. We have distances and we are trying not to be in a serious relationship. and helping him on his preparation on missionary work. Am I going to do the counsel of our bishop?

    • Hey Shamae!
      I am a member of the church and have been since birth. I was dating a missionary before he left on his mission, last June, and I was SO worried about this same thing before he left!
      I think that every relationship is different. The leaders of the church encourage missionaries not to date while on their missions, simply because it can be distracting, cause depression, and put them in complicated situations.
      But every circumstance is different. For example, the guy I am writing (I don’t know what to call our relationship) he told me before he left that everything is up to me. He wants to continue our relationship, but it’s up to me if I still want to date him. He didn’t want to put me in a situation where I felt like I was stuck.
      I decided that I would do what I felt was right. I would continue to write him, whether it ended up being just as friends, fine. But he would not lose me completely. I would still go on dates with other people, to keep the options open so I wasn’t stuck. And that’s what we agreed on.
      I fell in love with him before he left, and this mission has made me fall even more in love with him. He tells me all about his investegators and his areas and I stay updated. And he stays updated on my life. We are best friends, and we are in love. We didn’t know what would happen. But it’s all worked out really nicely. Yeah, I miss him everyday, but we’re stronger than we have ever been. And through our faithfulness and obedience, we have been blessed with so much. It’s been an amazing experience and I have had trials I never thought I wouls be able to handle before, But I have concoured them.
      If you feel like it’s the right thing to continue to date, fine. If not, okay. It’s between you and The Lord. But dno’t put yourself in a position where you will get stuck! Good Luck! And true love always ends! If it isnt meant to be, you’ll find soemthing even better!

  37. i have a boyfriend and this coming june he is going to MTC and the counsel of the president is that it is better to break him because he does not want me to be hurt because my boyfriend is going to his mission and he also said that it is helpful for my boyfriend to be well prepared if we are going to broke up but then is it necessary?

  38. I am waiting for a missionary, and have been for one year. It’s so hard, but so worth it. We are planning on getting married when he gets home, but we don’t talk about it so he doesn’t get distracted. But there are times that get so hard and I just want to pour out my heart and soul to him on paper and send it to him! Just so I know how he feels and he knows how I do. Should I do it? I dont want to distract him but I want too know how he feels. He tells me he loves me in every email and that he thinks about me. but there’s work to do, so he’ll see me later. But I want more than that! Would it be wrong if I sent him a mushy gushy letter just once..? Not even mushy gushy, just telling him how I feel. I need help, please

    • avatar Andy Proctor says:

      I would just pray about it and follow your heart. Either way you will be okay and so will he. If it’s right now, it will be right after the mission as well. I would also suggest that you seek to find other friends that you truly love and who know and love you while he is gone. Seek to feel loved by others while he is serving and you can approach your letters to him feeling full rather than feeling desperate to be known and loved. This will bless you and him. I would suggest this even after you are married. We can’t just expect one person to fill our needs to be loved and known and it will bless your life to expand your tribe of who you can feel loved and known by. That’s just my advice. Good luck!

  39. Hi! Thank you for this very helpful tips. My missionary is on her second month in mission. She promised that she will come back for me and told me that she will be waiting for me. I puzzled me at first since she is the one who will be leaving. I keep on encouraging her on every email that I send.

    Anyway, I was recently converted and started doing missionary work for our ward withour assigned full time missionaries. I have fully supported her before she left because I know that serving the mission is very important for her. After doing my own missionary work, I have fully understood the blessings that she be bringing to all the people that she will meet and will be able help.

    This post helped me realize that I am doing the right thing. No mushy letters. Just updates on what I am doing and learning on my own missionary work and encouragements.

    We promised to wait for each other patiently and we both are growing spiritually as we share what we learn to each other.

  40. Good article! I feel like I do need to say a quick few things that worked for me and my missionary

    1. Mushy letters (if used correctly) CAN help motivate and make sure they know they are loved. There is never anything wrong with telling someone how you feel about them. For my missionary, it motivated him to do better, he often said in many emails that if it wasn’t for my love and motivation, he would have gone home long before.

    2. Though your missionary is focusing, you are never less on the totem pole. Many say that you are not a priority-but you are. A missionaries responsibility is to spread love and kindness, why can’t that be to you and the people he is teaching? Though they focus, you are important to him, just like the gospel.

    3. You are never less than anyone else because you haven’t served, or gone through the temple. Seriously. I cant count how many times someone has told me I’m not worthy of my missionary because I haven’t served. You are loved, you are important to the missionary and the Lord.

    Bottom line-every relationship is different-take advice with a grain of salt and stay true to what you know is right. What could work for one relationship might not work for another

    • Thank you so much for your comment. My missionary has been out 9 months, and we write mushy letters all the time. I don’t think I would be able to wait if he didn’t tell me how much our relationship means to him for two years. After reading this article I started to feel almost bad about sending and receiving mushy letters, but hearing your advise helped so much. My missionary also talks about how the letters help him as well. Love your other points! Waiting is a personal choice between two people, I am just glad that you shared your view. Especially having successfuly waited for a missionary!
      Thanks so much,
      A fellow encouraging missionary waiter.

  41. avatar Christopher Robert Silva says:

    So I noticed that there aren’t many comments here on men who are waiting for Sister missionaries so I am going to hopefully help someone else with my 2c.

    First things first, this article is a huge blessing for me, especially th part about trying to put yourself in their shoes and doing your own missionary work. I am pretty good about doing member-missionary work but I know I could be doing so much more so this article inspired me to commit to “serving a mission” myself. I plan to dedicate a day and some time between work to tract and have lessons. I will speak with my Bishop first though just to lock down what I can and cannot do and I also have a friend who may be willing to be my “companion”. I also think it would be funny later in life to be like “so when I served my mission” even though it was a different experience.

    Anyways there is this girl who is a Sister Missionary of course and we’ve been friends for a little while when she was in my ward and I didn’t really see her the way I do now until another member had a get-together and the missionaries came over on their P-Day. I found out that her and I have some fundamental things in common that I have been looking for in a woman for a while. I know the rules better now and some of them I found out the hard way but I never ever not-for-one-second want to take anything away from her experience as a missionary for our Heavenly Father so as soon as I learned the right way I’ve stuck to it.

    Now to be fair, she has given me signs indicating that she isn’t completely opposed to the possibility of us dating when she’s off of her mission but obviously right now it’s just simply NOT an option so I chose to wait because she’s just that valuable to me. I’m not opposed to speaking with other women but she’s my main choice for dating so I’m choosing to wait until she’s off of her mission and even then, take things super slow to give her time to adjust to being off of her mission.

    As far as my own journey goes, I just hit a year since my baptism on April 9th so I’m persuing my endowment soon and this article has inspired me to do even more member-missionary work and I also plan to develop a TV series based upon the missionaries of our church and what better way to do so then to experience it first-hand!

    Thank you so much for writing this article! Having guidance is such a blessing for these situations where Heavenly Father doesn’t have a direct answer and our own agency can be strained by the unlimited possibilities! This will definitely help me grow closer to our most kind and greatest Heavenly Father!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HTML tags are not allowed.

*

275,644 Spambots Blocked by Simple Comments